Wife cheated on me and we are divorcing hurt and confused. He had an emotional affair.

Wife cheated on me and we are divorcing hurt and confused ( maybe I'm a bad cop lol) we both work out, she is very attractive and i am approached alot. For me, some days are better than others and although I still care for her my love will never be the same. We have a 7 month old son. And you should talk with your dad about how his actions have hurt I was devastated, I was depressed, everything stopped, I've reached the bottom, the darkness, the emptiness. It's been great, we've grown together, she's made me way more emotionally available and we have great communication. Ive had bad history with this woman before, she broke up with me and dated another guy within 2 months or us starting dating. I never cheated on her besides that one time so I think it’s a bit of an overreaction. There is no reconciliation unless your wife shows remorse for the pain she has caused, cuts contact and goes into IC. The colleague was already The biggest personal lesson I've learned in the aftermath is how to set clear boundaries. . She then admitted to me that she slept with another man almost right before we were married. We went out again, and then we decided to stop because of her boyfriend. 5 years and raised a puppy which we bred ourselves 7 months ago. Period. I still love her so much. My wife (27F) recently cheated on me (29M) while out on a work trip. And hire a lawyer and hit the gym. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. After 1 year of marriage, we had a daughter (4, F). I told my wife I was divorcing her. I'm still not sure what the correct course of action is for that. Divorcing isn't your decision, because she I (30, M) married my wife (29, F) about 5 years ago. Now you are divorcing your wife who cheated and you have conflicting emotions. Apparently her and her friends got super drunk and went clubbing. The man opened his letter, saying, “My wife Rosa and I have been happily married for 15 years now. I told her I loved her regardless and just wanted to take care of our family. Like sorry dude, me enjoying my life waiting for us to finish some things before we divorce after you pushed me down the stairs and serious injured my weiner dog twice, that isn’t cheating or an affair. When we finally saw each other clearly, reconciliation didn't make sense for a relationship we had outgrown. Should I confront her? Should I tell her how I found out? Oh boy, I never thought I'd be writing a post like this. We've traveled the world, bought homes, survived tragedies, and overcome dealing with her parents divorce 3 days after our honeymoon. My ex wife tried to get back with me 10 months after she left me for her AP. I still don’t think that justifies cheating, even if it’s a transactional relationship. Wife cheated on me before we were even married with our “friend/her coworker” and I finally left. Christmas sucks and I go to my parents house alone for the first time. I had to pry the information out of her because she clearly wasn’t acting herself upon coming home. On the contrary I have been her biggest supporter. We were together for 4+ years, married less than 6 months. He is obviously hurt and will not hear me out which I understand. I married a serial cheater, we had three kids together. My wife got pregnant to with our third and last child. The fact that When my leadership notifies me that I can finally make phone calls/texts to my wife, I call her immediately and tell her that I love her and that I want to fix our marriage and even though we have both hurt each other deeply (me hurting more of course), my marriage is something I'm not willing to give up on and ask her if we could both try to TLDR wife cheated on me then ended her life 2 days after I found out. then came last week. Women who are beautiful enough to be supermodels get cheated on all the time. I was married for 17 years, together for 19, 2 kids and we own 4 properties together. My ex cheated on me right as we were planning our engagement. I've been to SAA meetings and meet with a therapist nearly-weekly (some weeks are too busy). So much could have been handled with so much less pain and hurt. I Rules reminder: r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sub wiki before commenting. He is 37. I’m confused as to how she cheated on you All my dreams, hopes and aspirations have been shattered after I discovered that my wife had a full blown affair for over 2 years with a close family friend. Thank you everybody for the reality check. You can do this! At 38 my husband divorced me for his affair partner, my good friend who called me her “bestie” and was 21. I was really hurt at the time, but we also had twin daughters who were 3, and for me, my kids were my utmost priority, and I did not want them to struggle at all. She became mean and nasty to me, I shut down emotionally and took the abuse You're currently mired in this cesspool your wife created for you. My wife had a short affair ( less than 2 months) with a womanizing manipulator who was my friend also by the way. Even though I miss him I'm glad we are divorcing. This goes back a ways. That may not be the case, however. inform people who need to know that you are divorcing and the reasons why. We love each other, have a great life, and are in love with our son. If someone doesn't respect another person's marriage, they won't respect their own. We ended up sleeping together soon after. I was very angry, hurt, confused, regretful, suicidal and a lot of other emotions. I was completely hurt over this and have started divorce proceedings. So I decided to stay with wife, who followed all the reconciliation steps. Before we got married my wife's family had money and demanded I sign a prenup. We have no idea why OPs wandering wife cheated other than because of a character flaw inherent to herself, not OP. This morning I was in Her parents have a terrible relationship, and mine have a really strong one. "Ok" "Sure". Whether a man or women it is still cheating. I was 22. Me (48m) and my wife (46f) have been married 21 years, together 23 years, and have a 22yo son. I decided it was far cheaper to keep her and although I do care for her the love just isn't there. My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 4. Because he's easing his own guilt by laying it on me. You’re torn over whether you should The guy she cheated with is most likely headed for a divorce because his wife also knows. Self-compassion involves being gentle with our It depends on the willingness of both partners to face the pain, rebuild trust, and work through the issues that led to the infidelity. We agreed that we would try to work it out, but at this time, 9/6 at 0545, I am strongly considering in divorcing her. Edit: couple clarifications. I'm confused. When someone is cheated on, the hurt and pain is just as if a family member died. I am sad. On Oct 18th I told my wife I knew she was cheating on me. You’re torn over whether you should 1. Or any reasons for divorcing him even if he has tried so hard to “talk and discuss” the matter. Eventually, she became the very thing she despised the most. But therapy has helped me navigate my complicated feelings She left me the next day. I've been married to my 2nd wife for almost 25 years and if she told me the same thing your wife did, I'm 99% certain we wouldn't R, not even close, as I would not believe her "love" for me was ever what she claimed it to be. I honestly thought this would never happen to me. If your only advice is 'divorce', 'dump them', ýour SO sucks' or 'grow a backbone' then please don't comment. That doesn't mean "be her public relations agent". It overwhelms you. Divorcing her after being tortured by it for two years and after a year of marriage finding out the truth from the guy. Was your wife with your former I’ll start by saying that at this point I know my only option here is to go through with the divorce and leave my wife. I OP - as someone whose parents tried staying together instead of divorcing after my dad cheated, I would’ve given anything for them to have divorced from the start. TL:DR. During this time, I discovered that my wife had an on-going affair with someone. it’ll cause unnecessary pain and drama. We're divorced because our marriage had deteriorated before the affair happened. It’s brutal. Were you decent enough you would have divorced and then be with anyone you want . Her affair lasted a couple of weeks. So，on the phone, we currently agreed that, we will divorce peacefully, which means, I don't owe you anything, you don't owe me anything. So I know what I want, to fix I felt hurt, and was angry that she could just leave me behind so easily so I left and stayed at my parents for a week. I’d rather be dead then feel like this. When you've found out Betrayed partners, after learning that they’ve been cheated on, are typically in a daze—stunned, angry, sad, and struggling to accept and assimilate the infidelity. I know what you're going through, it fucking hurts bigtime. I took off the wedding band and never say I love you in return which would be a lie. You're trying to swim to get out of it. But what we had in the past 2 years is real and completely trust worthy. I’ve been cheated on during our engagement, but still I stayed, we went to therapy to build back my trust in her. doubting your partner's fidelity stirs up a whirlwind of emotions—pain, fear, anger, confusion. We have 3 kids (2f, 5m, 7f). She has no respect for this man and their children. If your wife is romanticizing the good times you shared, it’s probably filling her with longing for that period in her life. In the end yes it hurt but also helped me to be able to start to move on. I apologized to my wife and she forgave me. She sent me 3 I know this pain. Take a seat because this might be a long one. " A few months ago, I(29) discovered that my wife(28) of 5 years cheated on me with a trainer at the gym we were going to. she had it face down. ) She told me “I had nothing to worry about” of course. I emotionally cheated on my wife with a woman in Europe who I never met before, we just talked, she sent me a nude, and I ended up having feelings for this woman. Maybe that means you realize the trust is Since I caught my wife red-handed (I screenshotted the message from that guy), my wife admitted everything was true. This is many years ago. Claims she got too drunk one night when she made out with another man. You were blinded by your own wants. I did later find out everything was fake but my wife had no interest in stopping the divorce. Your marriage is dead. I'm in pain, too. Your wife cheated. 'Might help you feel a little better. Anyway, thanks to my wife and support of my family circle I've found some inner strength and started to prepare for surgery. Ironically, my ex cheated on me multiple times and was also abusive, but *I* was the one who got ostracized by basically everyone we knew mutually, including the arts community in our city, after he abused me for nearly 20 years, cheated on me multiple times, abandoned me, and smear campaigned me. We never once got any help. Everything in our relationship was going very well, until my "friends", with whom I have no contact anymore due to obvious reasons, told me that they saw my (ex-)wife cheating on me. When everything opens back up she wants us to go to MC. This all just came out over the weekend and I’ve been a wreck. We also do that when we keep looking at the future what if's Rules reminder: r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sub wiki before commenting. At first, I just rolled over and took it. It overtakes you in ways that make you feel out of control. [Some context for what follows: I have a kid and I'm divorced, obviously. Just because your wife cheated, does not mean your divorce has to be high conflict. If you can't take the guilt, just don't do it. We have been married for 15 years but have loved each other since we were 16. We tend to see the past through rose-colored glasses. Claims she confessed now as she can't live with the guilt of hiding it from me. She really keeps my mind off what happened and not to mention the sex with her is 100x better than the sex with my STBX ever was. Being upset and hurt is understandable. I respected her for telling me and I know that we were not married at the time. Understand why wives may cheat. I want my family back. When we first met, we didn’t know ourselves that well. Things were great and we were viewing houses to buy together. don't make your wife like mebroken and destroyedI haven't seen my daughter in 23 years now. I told her that I was moving out in 2 weeks, which I did on Oct 30th. i'll spare the details but i happened to pick up my wife's phone after i saw it was vibrating on the counter. It's simply abuse, which is really inappropriate here. She’s begging forgiveness but she’s lied so much already I don’t even see how that’s possible. He is still that person. At this point, it's just something she is going to have to learn to live with now. I deserve someone who wants to be with me and only me! So do you I think there is some confusion I'm having. Once we vocalized the problem, we both agreed we're going to take steps to fix some things. She says now she feels disgusted and is so sorry, but for me the hurt has never gone away. First, take a deep breath. We ask that you grant him strength in this difficult time & help him navigate the storm of emotions he's facing with clarity and grace. Yea happened to me. She was a slightly heavier woman when we met (but always carried it well) and I was about 20 lbs overweight myself at the time. If they cheat the relationship is already over, it's not a "woe is me, you don't treat me well" kinda deal. I haven’t discussed his infidelity with him. She never told me she was unhappy in our relationship, the only indications I've had is that she hasn't been feeling that I was ever affected much by the miscarriages. My kids were my utmost priority, and I did not Hello, We are 36 and 34, have been together 13 years and have two wonderful young daughters who we both love. So while you forgive them for in your heart, they still need to pay for the dishonesty, betrayal, disrespect, loss of trust and all the other things that add up to deep hurt. It's the number one thing we've talked about and it hurts so much that she really thinks I want to control her even though what I am proposing (not demanding) is as mild as being at home by midnight on weekdays and trying to sleep well for her mental health. Me and my wife are 1 month away from our 2 year anniversary we have been together 3 years total we have had a few rough patches in our marriage but we’re overall happy and in love. When we met, we were both in school and she was in a relationship with her boyfriend at the time. My husband says that an emotional affair is unforgivable and he hasn't spoken to me for two weeks. please advise me. We’ve been more than spouses all wife cheated and blames me (update 1) Now here we are with her begging me not to leave saying she will do whatever it takes to make it up to me. During his childhood, he witnessed his mother cheat on his dad multiple times. Pack your things and move away from his life, he needs a better person to fill the other side of the bed with. If it was me if we stayed together my wife would be working at this point if only to help pay for our retirement or the kids school, and I wouldn't be protecting her from her consequences. Because they don't have any respect for monogamy. My (34M) wife (33F) is divorcing me for her affair partner. He forgave me though and admitted to neglecting our relationship during that time. My ex starts texting me. It completely But I appreciate her efforts, I know this is hurting her too, but nothing is set in stone yet. We both lived in long-distance during the first 2 years of our marriage, and then moved to the UK together and started living together when I got the job there. That infidelity hurt, even if you suspected it. Lord, we know your love is everlasting and your faithfulness unwavering. On the one hand, you want to keep it amicable because you do not want your emotions to get the better of If your wife cheated on you and now wants you back, it's understandable that you're feeling a range of emotions right now, including betrayal, hurt, anger, and confusion. And I have to learn to live with the betrayal and hurt. My wife found out nearly two years ago and we've been in stasis ever since. Since then, she never complained about her boss, when I asked her about it, she kept changing the topic, it was very weird. NeedSupport Me (33M) and my STBXW (31F) started cheating on me with her coworker in the summer of 2017, we married Nov 2017. And is gonna totally destroy her. Our sex life is strong, we spend time together going out. It’s a tough journey, but you’re not alone. I divorced my wife after I got told she cheated on me My househusband spouse cheated on me 3 years ago and had a child with another woman. There was just a post on here recently where a guy found out his brother cheated on his wife years ago, intentionally (not a drunken mistake), and soooooo many people were calling him TA becaus he wanted to tell her. Obviously this has been hard on our four children but I cannot spend the rest of my life with someone I can't trust. She slept with an ex-boyfriend during a recent trip back to her home town. We have been living together for 2. DR - my wife admitted that she cheated on me while we were engaged Archived post. "Man is accused of being heartless after divorcing his wife for cheating on him. After the Army, we moved to Pennsylvania, our home state. " In the initial stages, the pain is just there, and there's little you can do to mitigate it. Now, my question: now, i need to protect myself. I'm not helping her with this separation I know, but I can tell I'm not helping her cope by being too close either. Found out my wife of 20 years had been having an affair 4 weeks ago, i feel your pain bro. So me and my ex wife Mary (real name cause i don't care if she finds out) have been together for 5 years and married for 2. Take care of yourself and see a therapist or counselor if you need help. I confronted her and she admitted she had cheated. She always seemed happy and never gave me a clue. We both make decent money and life is/was good. And stop lying. If your wife cheated on you and now wants you back, it's understandable that you're feeling a range of emotions right now, including betrayal, hurt, anger, and confusion. She killed it. I text her the next day about finalizing the divorce and she starts responding shortly. This happened during her bachelorette party weekend. He had an emotional affair. Its a "rather than confront you about the problems I am having with the current state of our relationship, I am fucking mail man Mike" it's a show of poor character and life is too short to keep shitty people around for longer than necessary. Im 56, wife cheated 14 yrs ago. My wife was 24 when we met. TLDR: This week I found out that my wife cheated on me when she went back to her hometown to visit her family and friends. I’m 25 now and the trauma of their broken marriage (they tried to stay together at first for my siblings and I) sticks with me to this day and I’ve had a lot of therapy to undo it. Learn the key physical signs. Thank goodness I thought something was off and ultimately ended things (for other reasons as well). We had a some tension during that time which made me realize she has a lot of issues about my behavior, which I feel like was an incentive for her to be with another man. He had just officiated her wedding to her first husband the month previous before he handed me papers. She did text me constantly asking for me to come home, but I kept telling Betrayed partners, after learning that they’ve been cheated on, are typically in a daze—stunned, angry, sad, and struggling to accept and assimilate the infidelity. stop hurting me. When you were sure about divorcing your stbxw, what did she say? You're still angry, hurt and confused about I wanted to yell at her and be mad but I was just confused on how to feel. We do that when we have decided who we want someone to be. My husband (50) is divorcing me (44) after 17 years, so he can his marry his AP (26). Our relationship was mostly fine and we always had only 1 major issue. Hello, this is my first post and it’s hard to make a long story short but I’ll do my best. This would have been about 5 years after we got married. At this point she told me she doesn't want any of my money, just one of our dogs. Since our kids are older now her utility for me is decreasing with every passing day. She ended up coming back to me in fall 2016 and saying how sorry she was and begged for me to take her back. For reasons which will be very clear, © 2023 Google LLC We are splitting amicably and want each other to be happy but I am just so devastated, confused, angry, and riddled with anxiety. We get coffee and we're both very civil. 5 months later, at the end of March, our divorce was finalized. I just had to be loyal to her and help her raise these kids. Now you are divorcing your wife who cheated and you have conflicting emotions. I would give facts only -- "I found that my wife and your fiancé were exchanging messages that including X, Y, and Z" -- rather than use phrases like "cyber affair" or "emotional affair" or "cheating of the heart. She think that i cheating on her too, cause we in marriage anyway. I think we both pushed our own issues off on each other and eroded everything. Even before the trip, I was concerned about her going on it since she’s been acting very odd (extremely distant, not talking much, ect. That awful thing that happened to you the other day is 100% because of your wife's abuse of you. Posted by u/imgettingdivorced - 1 vote and 11 comments I divorced my wife and was very aggressive and mean towards her during the entire divorce. It messed my life up and I’m no longer sure what to do with myself. Since then he has secretly been giving them money behind my back (yeah I know I should have paid more attention to our finances, but my job keeps me really stressed/busy). Worse still, their thoughts In the process of divorcing a cheating spouse, nurturing self-compassion and embracing forgiveness are essential steps towards healing and finding peace within ourselves. My wife cheated on me many times in the beginning of our marriage and I was around 98% sure or it. The title sums things up well. Although you don't need to prove adultery to get a divorce, it can impact your divorce in the Ffw another month and she says she's talking to someone else. Lying to you was because I lived in fear of you retaliating. We talked a lot about it and in the end she blamed herself for it. I forgave her. . All this talking behind my back also really hurt me as I’d never said anything about our sex life to anyone and never said anything bad about her behind her back. We have a house with pool and garden, a loving family and a wonderful son. TL:DR: Wife cheated for This has really bothered my wife (and bothered me a bit also, I will admit). All he gets from me is that my decision is final and that I’m not in love with him anymore. Your wife affair will not disappear from your head. She told me that I wasn’t paying enough attention to her and that I didn’t show her the affection she needs. if you have to cheat go find someone else. I was really hurt at the time, but we also had twin daughters who were 3. After 14 years of happy and wonderful marriage, my wife - in a 3-month long lapse of judgment - cheated on me (6 weeks EA after a chance encounter (probably not so chance and orchestrated by him), 1 week PA and 5-6 weeks virtual EA ) and my world shook to the core. Mont TLDR- wife of 20 years cheated 12 years ago and I made a deal to stay, now I feel guilty for wanting to leave After our first child she had severe PPD and it went undiagnosed. Met my now wife while she was dating someone else. Today my wife admitted to cheating on me too. It's a part of you now. We have 4 young children. to “She doesn’t love me anymore. In addition, she refuses to cut contact, so the affair is ongoing, and she is not remorseful. As we say here at Affair Recovery, "infidelity is a pain like no other. The realization of betrayal brings a wave of intense feelings, such as shock, hurt, and When your spouse is unfaithful, you feel blindsided, furious, humiliated, and hurt. After 20 years of marriage I’m considering divorcing my wife I met in college. I did without hesitation. She cheated on me when we were together since 3 years and after a lot of therapy i decided to forgive her and she to work harder for our relationship. I've been through break ups that feel like a death, but I can't relate to this kind of thinking. I had a rough couple of weeks dealing with my emotions and deciding where I wanted to go. This meant a long-distance relationship for 1yr. "My wife cheated on me 15 years ago. We were long distance for her first two years of college while I was in high school and did one year at community college, then we went to college in the same city for a year, and have lived together since. She also looked out for me before we got together in college and kept me from getting expelled for smoking Our brother-in-Christ, u/jdorz, is struggling with a deep wound and the betrayal of his wife has brought him immense pain and confusion. I'm here for you if you need me. And it hurts – really hurts. Our relationship has been mostly great. But if you cheat on me and then tell me about it, it's over, no coming back from that. We will get through this. She’s very reserved towards me which I We can't control if we are hurt, but we can control if we hurt others. They ARE a broken marriage, they should come clean to the kids now and if they do want to be with their kids 100% of the time Learn the tell-tale signs your wife is cheating and what steps you should take if you suspect infidelity. My ex husband cheated on me repeatedly and when I found out I told him to tell me everything he said "why, it's just going to hurt you more" My response was yes I know it will hurt but it will stop me conjuring up scenarios in my head and torturing myself further. Reply reply How to “tell people” we are divorcing? I am 29M and my wife 32F, married around 3 years back, no kids. (32m) Found out 6 weeks ago my wife (30f) had been cheating on me with the guy from the couple we hung out with the most. Awful move that I have always regretted, mostly because it was premeditated and not a in-the-moment thing. My Wife 32F cheated on me with As your wife prepares to leave your relationship behind, she can’t help but look back and reflect fondly on your history. But deep down, I can never trust him again. I guess I shouldn’t of at all. GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE If your spouse cheated, the biggest thing to consider is your own mental and emotional health. Your dad cheating doesn't undo the last 18 years of him being a great father. We have two kids 18&23 who are no longer speaking to me. She always told me stories about how rampant cheating is in the military. Update:I cheated on my wife three years ago. We got married 2 years ago and signed the divorce 3 months ago. It prevents you from seeing your failings and fixing them, and is damaging to your relationships. I think I can do better than her that's why I am leaving her. We have a perfect thing going. After a few years, our futures didn't align anymore. I have nothing against the woman he cheated with, she was just doing what she does for a living, it wasn’t emotional. Guys with big packages and fat wallets get cheated on all the time. I met a girl who was cheated on as well, super cute, we've been hanging out every few days. He wants me to tell people he cheated on me when they ask why we are getting divorced instead of telling the truth of the matter. I 24M have been married to my 25F wife for the past 2 years and have been together for almost 5 years. Then she continues to now see or sleep elsewhere and lies to you about it, causing arguments, though the whole point of a divorce is to separate legally as a couple and become two individuals instead However, we were able to move past it eventually. I told my husband the exact opposite. We are currently living in separate rooms in our house. Then, we had our baby and I let my guard down. We’ve had our ups and downs, and I’ve actually had trust issues for all 4 years of our marriage but I never would think it would come down to And she takes me saying no as rejecting her for being used. I just listen how she blame me on MC. We live in the same house. She told me Mark cheated on her with my wife. She is planning on divorcing me and claiming we lived “almost 30 years in a lie”. We talked to some doctors, basically all of them wanted to put my wife on some serious medications - which my Wow I am just sick and haven't slept in 3 days. We had a long talk about our marriage and what we would do. We did make it through that time and decided to stay together. Yes, I know she didn't cheat. We coparent and she refuses to talk about anything outside of our daughter. The trigger for the divorce was my wife's infidelity, but that's not really why we're divorced. We were both young and dumb and had no idea what it was or why so we handled it poorly. Good luck. The thought that the Also I did get STD tested and came back clean as a whistle. I told myself I would stay because of the kids, I’m not 100% sure I was being honest with myself. That's the last my wife knew of it because she hasn't spoken with him since she fessed up. She cheated on me with him while on a work trip two weeks ago. ” So often, I hear from people who are drowning in a sea of confusion, anger, and pain. You filed for divorce because she lied about where she was sleeping, which comes off as her cheating. She cheated on me while she was pregnant with our first son who later passed away after being in the hospital for several months due to premature birth. TLDR: After three years of committed relationship and engagement, soon to be ex-wife slept with another man during a brief break and has been lying about it for two years and let me marry her without the truth being known. I met my wife 10 years ago. We have two wonderfull boys and have had the perfect life thus far (or so I thought). This was his (confessed to) fourth affair. 3 days ago the guy’s sister told my husband. My wife, had an affair with her office colleague which started at around August of last year. We are divorcing. We were both in university and met through Tinder. So I am leaving my wife, I was honest with her about the reason. I told her I plan to stick to my word that I give her time until January to show me what we have is worth saving. The only thing you could be considered crazy for is not immediately divorcing your wife This is niether true nor helpful. If you cheat on me and I find out, we might could work through it. For me, when we decided to have a baby after 2 years of marriage, I want us to focus more on each other, spend Btw she cheated on me when we got together, about 1 year of knowing. We married few years later. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better Wife Tom, I’m sorry I didn’t commit to being your partner the way I said I would, I’m sorry my fear and misconstrued mind clouded my judgment. I don't think he was already cheating. It just confused the issue. Half a year ago my wife told me that she was not happy with us and not really sure why. Navigate this painful time with expert advice. Why Would She Cheat On Me If She Still Loves Me? One of the hardest pills to swallow when your wife cheats on you is the idea that she’s fallen out of love with you and potentially in love with someone else. She agreed to forgive me if we opened the marriage but now I live in agony every day . my only childand when your wife finds out I hope you and the daughter( I say that with a snarl) feel all the pain and anguish you put her thru. I would think your mind is heavy and in a fog of its own. I’m sorry I thought I was protecting myself, saving myself. The numbness is shock and disbelief. It's that the title has to be same for an update. Well, I came home from the gym one day and my baby was taking a nap in her nursery. It was an awful time, she seemed to have no remorse although she said she ended it. I (50m) found out that my wife (49f) of 20+ years was having an affair. I told her she is still pretty which is somewhat true, but what I need is a person who never cheated on me and she cant be that person. He tried to turn her against me, and at the same time encouraged me to fl Imagine reaching for solutions like be an alcoholic if you want, beat me up, use my body, and cheat on me - before considering couples counseling. 2, 5, 10, 20 years from now, you'll still think about it. Life moved on albeit a day never goes by I dont think about it, or use it when we have rows or disagreements etc. We clung on before the infidelity exposed the true state of our relationship. I didn’t think she would ever cheat on me once we had a baby. OP clearly wasn't interested in those offers, but if I were him I'd be even less interested in marriage. We’ve been together 6 years and married for 2 thankfully no children or pets. We started talking about getting back together. Whether you suspected it, or it’s coming as a total surprise, this is emotionally jarring news. I don't know what to do. Maybe tell him that you cheated and so don't deserve to be his wife. We ended up back together after she broke it off with him. Even the best person can behave in hurtful ways. It was an incredibly painful time for both of us (we didn't have kids at the time, but I'm sure this is also painful for your kids). I just go here to vent. i then proceeded to read more text messages from my wife to her friend where she bragged about These feelings for another made me confused! In the post I explained that wanted to lose these feelings for my former colleague, but keep a good friend. It pushed me to get the counseling I needed and start really thinking about who I am and what I want. My wife cheated on me and continues to see her AP while we are separated and we are working on a dissolution. At the time, I decided that I would like to stay with her, as I still loved her and we have 2 children (4 & 8). The wife cheated and blames me (update 1) Lol sorry you have me confused with the other mass betas of reddit Reply reply TheBlockedUser Take the time and make the effort to find out. Yesterday, I was messaged by Mark's wife. Did some roses, was involved with a FWB, etc. Let’s navigate this storm together. We naturally want to think that we mean the world to our partners and they would never hurt us, so we let a Your wife has lied and cheated on you. Don't be afraid of bringing up feelings of anything feeling off. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. We separated for 8 months and they were terrible on all of us especially the children (m9, f7 and f3). I Never had thoughts of her doing this and was thinking why she is. Worse still, their thoughts The final straw for me came when I discovered she had been having an affair with her boss at work (The long story of how I found out is one I’m going to intentionally omit). I’ve gone basically no-contact for my own sanity (we have 3 little kids so some contact is necessary) but everything she does make me Obviously, the pain created by infidelity is one of life's worst. In some cases, cheating acts as a catalyst, forcing both individuals to confront deeper Facing the aftermath of your wife’s infidelity can be overwhelming and emotionally taxing. I certainly was hurt by them but not to her extent. Even though I’m deeply hurt I can’t stop finding myself thinking about reconciling with her. We’ve been together for nine years, married five years. Skip to Today. He is 6,000 miles away right now from me as he is visiting family and will not get home for 8 more days. Now go google "affair fog" and "guilt transferral" to get some insight into your wife's behavior. I didnt trust my wife and I was still in pain. We had been together for 8 years and he had basically lost interest in me and stopped having sex, I cheated with a random guy and we broke up. Please bear with me I don't really post anything on social media. I did NOT want to hear her Wife of 17 years cheated on me with close friend. Watching you in pain, hearing your pain killed me. Dogs are healthy and loving life living with my brother and his family. My bf cheated on me supposedly only two times. " Most-Firefighter-275 writes: My ex-wife Mary (real name because I don't care if she finds out) and I were together for 5 years, married Well, a couple of weeks ago I found out that my wife cheated on me 6 years ago, the way I found out is that her sister told me after going to visit her to find out how the delivery of her first child was, she confessed to me that 6 years ago my wife told her that she slept drunk with her best friend, in her words, my wife was very sorry. I’m not sure how to handle this. I think the key is that you have to look long term. I cried a lot (cried few times in my life), my wife cried with me, everybody was shocked and confused. My wife’s nudes out there probably being passed around. until recently. If your only advice is 'divorce', 'dump them', 'your SO sucks' or 'grow a backbone' then please don't comment. After my own experience, here are my best tips for those struggling with infidelity and divorce. We talked about for the next three days when the kids were in school while trying our best not to let them know while they were home. We’ve been through many life situations together, and we’ve always found the way out together. ONE MORE TIME. It hurts, I miss him. true. I felt much if not exactly like you, we had no kids, she cheated, accused me of being controlling and jealous. So it's her decision to make R, one sided. We were young when we came together and by now we've reached everything in life we've hoped for. We made a tough decision for me to accept a job offer out-of-state for me to make a career transition and allow her to stay in school. So D-Day was almost 2 weeks ago. I do not like the idea of always dumping or divorcing, some people are capable of moving on getting beyond both the emotional as well as physical elements of I met my now ex-wife when I was 27. She had mentioned after we got married that she never had the courage to tell me how she felt and that we could not be together, which is We are discussing custody and divorce and I have a great lawyer that my mother is paying for. We view commitment differently. I thought it would go away. There's a ton of detail I'm skipping over with all the in-between bs and back and forth. Shortly after the oldest’s tenth birthday and when she was pregnant a 4th time, I discovered she’d cheated on me. And fuck no, you have a shortcoming so you cheated on him. I was sad to see him lie to me about why he wanted the divorce. Should have known- cheaters always cheat. TLDR: I checked my wife's phone and found out she cheated on me. The more I looked into things and she talked, the more I realized she was / is a walk away wife I was down and depressed when my wife mentioned divorce, then went deeper into depression and anxiety when I learned about the affair, then dipped again to the lowest point when she felt to guilt to the affair and put it on me that we never had an If it were me, I would tell the woman soon to be marrying your wife's affair partner. Not going to sugarcoat. When we got married we promised eachother through thick and thin we would support each other, and that promise was broken. I didn’t kick her out of our house, I asked her to stay with parents while we I cheated on her in various ways for about 3 years. We've been through a lot and have always stuck together. My wife cheated on me 15 years ago, her affair lasted a couple of weeks. She still can't understand that this is over and i You deserve someone better!! It took me a long time to realize it myself. Your WS is not a candidate for R. Learning that your spouse has been unfaithful is stressful and unbalancing. On the one hand, you want to keep it amicable because you do not want your emotions to get the better of you. My wife (44F) and I (43M) have been married 20 years. We hung out with them nearly every weekend and had recently taken a trip all together last summer. 116 votes, 148 comments. But he is now also someone who cheated on your mom. My wife and I were married for 6 years and in the last 4 she’d put on over 100lbs (for reference at thee time of separation she was 5’6 and around 280lbs). My wife thought that since our sexlife wasn't enough for me, and that she was sure I will cheat on her again, we might as well open the marriage. It’s a natural leap to go from “She cheated on me” . I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t my friend, but I’ve never really trusted him. 4K votes, 370 comments. Even the best person makes mistakes. This is the only answer. i read a text message from the guy that she cheated with a couple weeks earlier while out of town. I always saw her as a caring, loving person who was always concerned about me, but when everything happened, she showed herself to be a completely different person, I don't know if she pretended to be that way because of our marriage. After that I told her everything. Well, a couple of weeks ago I found out that my wife cheated on me 6 years ago, the way I found out is that her sister told me after going to visit her to find out how the delivery of her first child was, she confessed to me that 6 years ago my wife told her that she slept drunk with her best friend, in her words, my wife was very sorry She was always there for me thru-out our marriage & when I was injured. My husband (32m) and I (28f) have been married for four years and together six. My (35m) wife (37f) have been together for 13 years, married for 10. The rings, the vows, the paperwork-- all nullified. A little separation is best as suggested by the Therapist and Lawyer. You weren't fooled, she showed you who she was. This crushed me because she still had the engagement ring so I thought she still loved me and we'd be getting back together soon. So this time, I gave him the ultimatum to cut her off within a week, or we’re getting divorced. We started dating in high school when I was a junior and she was a senior. I think once a cheater always a cheater is a good saying, but also that you should never take a cheater back even if they would not cheat, because they might still leave you once they get back on their feet and you have forgiven them. Lunch Date Affair Partner FTFY. But he is damned embarrassed about this whole thing. (had pick of the litter). I’m not writing this to diminish or excuse my own guilt, but for genuine advice. yav dzgj bqib imdhhfb mwfiozwa hpn grb xdpy xlagkv nomwcn